the ex files

I rarely go to my 830 T & R class because it is complete waste of my time. Prof, really, dude if you're just going to post the PPts online for me to study from- why should I wake up that early and go?

But this Thursday was different. There were presentations and I hadn't met with my group at ALL, so I figured, "hey nadira, lets actually go to class to see whats up"....

I clocked out to bed at around 1230AM. She txts me at 1-ish. We talk for about 15 minutes. I go back to sleep, restless and anxious for the next day.

My annoying ringtone, "Feedback" blares three times. I check the clock. I'm apparently dyslexic as I read it for 830 AM. I pick up the phone and he tries to be sly...Tisk Tisk, can't pull anything on me, buddy cuz I figured you out in about 2.5 seconds who you are. Yup, he called. He's worried. He's anxious. He just needed to vent. After coaxing the bastard to let me go to sleep so I'm not a zombie the next day, naturally, I call her. Of course, she has to be in a different time zone this week and is experiencing a night on the town. She calls about an hour and a half later. I cannot fall asleep after telling her the story because I'm too wired and anxious for the next week. I clock out at God Knows When waking up to my alarm at 745AM. Sweet.

Holy Fuck. I am SO tired! I must go study for Anthro and pray to God I at least get a B+, an deserving B+.

I'm selling back some of my books to get cash. My ex owes me $90. I emailed his mom to repay me. I still haven't received a response. Inexcusable. At least tell me "no".

Today's agenda is as follows: Study, get ready, sell books, lunch w/Kyle at noon.
Study some more for Anthro.
Class at 230-4.
No rendezvous with girl 2. I must refine my focus.
430- peace out to FSU to beat some bulldog bitches!

No clubbing tonight for my life depends on this grade.

Anxiously awaiting next Wednesday,

Nadira

she vs she

the sun's rays peeked between the tall, snow topped trees and made her eyes glisten even more. but it still made me think of her bright, big dark eyes that caught my attention that stormy night in ybor city.

the ice water from the waves made a lull that took me back to spring break.

we played with words at dinner.
shes a master of words, naturally.

she wants adventure
she wants to settle down

shes young and carefree
shes older and responsibilities steal her soul

shes inexperienced
shes too experienced

both are beautiful
both have said things w/possible double meaning

she compliments me and takes the lead
she keeps me grounded and maybe with real contact will be assertive

mmmm

a cry for help

i am not running away
i am running towards hope
i am not merely seeking adventure
i am searching for the l word

take me seriously.

i will take out two portions of $50 from my bank acct.
i will still need 100 more.

my strategy is as follows: someone from allendale campus gives me $100 and in turn, that day, i purchase whatever they want on my credit card from a local store. meijer. the mall. wherever.

making purchases elsewhere will blow my cover b/c the card is ultimately in my parents' names.

where are you, helpful hand? please, will you help me?

i'm on the bachelorette game show

so, i feel like i'm on a game show, the LESBIAN bachelorette. lol

girl 2 is a great girl. she really is. although i just met her, i can definitely say there's a connection with her. i get this sweet feeling about her. hell, i just wrote my last post about her. thing is, she's not ready for a commitment and i truly feel like she's just experiencing this whole thing with me to affirm her sexuality which is cool, but i want to be more than an affirmation in someone's life. great girl. like her.

girl 1, though. i've liked her alot from the start. she didn't give me what i wanted. i had to work work WORK for that shit, lol. she never called me back. she acted like she didn't care. and soon, she started caring and realizing that i'm serious about meeting her. it was amazing, she woke me up today and i was happy to talk to her. she called me and vented to me, and i was really happy to be there for her. i've never taken such a huge risk in my life. EVER.

i know i'm making the right choice. i haven't felt so real. i can't believe i'm actually going to visit her!!!!!!!!

thief

thief, where'd you come from?
i haven't seen you before
thief, you've sparked my interest
you've taken my thoughts and more.

your beauty steals my thoughts, my breath, my eyes.
what is next? will you steal my heart?
thief, i am complex, i am fragile, please don't let me fall apart.

i've waited for something like this to come along
i've had thoughts like these ever since i was little
now those thoughts becoming real.
so real.

my mom wants me to take a boy date to navin's wedding. i think not.
i'm taking her.

i'll tell her she's 'just a friend' and later tell her the truth. too bad things gotta be that way around here.

mom, i'm GAY

hardfall

they say i fall too fast, too hard.
man, i'm a bitch.