Limits

what drives you?

is it fear? obligation? personal dreams? perhaps its a combination of a few elements.

at this very moment, fear is driving me to step it up to high gear with this internship i'm currently involved in. i can't stand being second best but are my motives right for wanting to be first place? do i want to be the #1 news reporter because i LOVE the news and finding out all that good stuff, or do i want to have that title because i can't stand someone else holding it?

those are the types of questions that eat me away while my brain goes on idle and the world spins at a super sonic rate.

god, there are so many things in life i want to accomplish. i feel i've been blessed with many talents but must refine them in order to be excellent at a few- not necessarily every single one of them.

i have a burn, an ache, an itch for creative writing. for poetic justice. i love words. and i love using them in ways people usually don't use them. i love metaphor. you know, i took this class called critical interpretation and i pretended to loath the class but secretly, i enjoyed every second of breaking down metaphor and text.

so what is holding me back from what i really want to do?

it's the fear of people finding out i may have changed my mind and b/cast reporting isn't the love of my life. i'm not sure what is right now. i wish being like soledad o'brien was my dream but right now, i have no solid ground as to what i want.

lord, help me.

limitation is a choice; i choose to be limitless.

Hiatus

Since my last post I have been blogging with ourchart.com, a social network for the LGBT community and moreover, avid fans of the L word...

It was interesting to read my past entries from here, especially my last one on how I vowed to not date for quite some time. Unfortunately, I didn't keep that vow for very long as I have been stepping in and out of relations(hips) with girls for the past month or so.

I really don't have anything much to say other than I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone right now.

vow

i'm making a vow not to date exclusively but before i go on to stating the whys and whatnot, i just want to have a little bitch fest.

i'm upset with some people not giving me the fucking time of day. first shes interested. then shes not. then "school work takes over my life" AKA 1. i can't manage my time or 2. i'm kind of not interested anymore. lets make a 3. and just say you're a jerk and its a combination of 1 & 2. okay? k good.

i am astounded how everything can be stellar for a few days and suddenly the groove is gone. how does that happen? fuck it. i'm tired of wondering how and why. leave me the fuck alone.

i know i'm shallow. impatient. complicated. but i'm willing to learn.
my quest for finding spring love is done. lets see how long this hiatus will be.

i just need a god damned date for my brother and sarah's wedding and i'd like for it an attractive girl. is that too hard to ask for?!!!

k so i'm done dating around because i'm sick of the worrying and wondering and all the bullshit that goes on with dating a girl. girls are way too complicated. i shouldn't have to try.

no more tampa

she's book smart
but when it comes to life
she's an irresponsible, unprofessional, degrading whore.


thanks for breaking my heart, bitch.

breaking point

this is like a few sundays ago when you dropped the bomb on me that you have a kid and you're going through a divorce.

i was cleaning in my kitchen, crying because you weren't giving me the time of day.

this time, i'm cleaning in my kitchen, crying because i'm second guessing myself with you.

you're the only girl who's ever made me cry.
you're the only girl who's ever tapped inside of a nadira that only close friends see.
others have been a witness to how i talk and act when i speak of you.

FUCK!

*sigh*

my tummy hurts

so i'm not sure why i feel slightly sick. i think it might be due to lack of sleep. HUGE lack of sleep. damnit, i can't stop yawning.

well, today i blew a good $150 on essentials for my trip!

-bare minerals makeup = yay!
-a cute, pink AF polo
-stuff from victoria's secret ;) sexxyyy haha
-i bought her kid a toy from meijer, its a sweet light up guitar that teaches you shit in spanish and english

BRB food is ready.

BACK its now 12:25 PM, march 29.

OhMYgosh last night was terrible. i haven't been sick in a long while. :-/
my right eyes been jumping! :)
i am terribly fatigued.
i look disgusting.
my rooms a mess
i think i have lots of homework i should be doing.
this post is pointless.
i can't wait to get out of here and tell you stories.
i'm going to write a book
ciao!

can

it be wednesday night already? please?

kthanx